For many years, it’s been easy to pick up a magazine and flip to a page of sexual confidence tips like, “Stand in front of a mirror, stare at your body, and repeat these affirmations until you love it!” While that may work for some, it’s unlikely that everyone – especially folks with bigger bodies, which have historically been the butt of many jokes in media and entertainment – would always benefit from that practice.
What, then, actually helps plus-size people to feel confident when getting on top? “Experience!” Stewart says. “Nothing helps better than practice, so getting your practice in is necessary for you to gain information about how your body works and how your lover’s body works to ensure that you all are receiving the pleasure that you desire.” Gaining this experience can involve practicing on your own, with your partner, or seeking resources to change your mindset around sexual confidence (Stewart recommends The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay, which she co-edited with sexologist Dr. Jess O’Reilly). Chase also stresses that a regular practice of masturbation is the best way to learn your body and what you like, so you can more easily communicate that to your partner in and out of the bedroom.
If you’re feeling inspired to ride, experts say there are plenty of ways to make getting on top more comfortable and pleasurable for everyone involved. “Make sure that you create an environment that feels good to you, as well as making sure that you feel good and sexy about yourself,” Stewart says. Despite this, she also points out that the onus to make you feel like a sexual superstar shouldn’t only be on you: “You also want to have a supportive lover who can support you when the insecurities creep up.”